There are days...
...when I hate my life.
I need to backtrack a bit so bear with me.
I have a bad hip. It comes from shattering my ankle over 20 years ago. The surgeon back then did a good job putting the bones back together but a shitty one with the soft tissue damage--namely he ignored it--so my leg's alignment was just a bit off. You do not realize how important this is until you develop osteoarthritis in all the joints in that leg.
In 2010, I needed a knee replacement and last month I was told I needed to have my hip replaced as well. I was not thrilled with this idea as I remember the horrors of the post-op period for my knee. I'm glad I had it done but the rehab was not fun. I even got in touch with an ortho from super-duper specialized hospital in a nearby Big City who works with patients to save their joints. Yeah, I did not qualify as my hip is too far gone. So I scheduled the surgery for this Friday.
Last week, I got a call from my surgeon's office saying that he had an emergency and needed to reschedule. Because I am teaching this summer I needed to have the surgery ASAP so I could not wait until June. I asked if I could have Dr. K do it--the guy who did my knee--and they said yes. So the surgery was still on.
Then, this morning I saw Dr. K to ask a few questions and such. Well, he did not have good news. He said that due to my weight and other medical factors, he did not "feel comfortable" doing the surgery. It seems that people with my BMI, which is apparently too fucking high, have a much greater risk of infection (5-10 times higher) and also an increased risk of complications. He said flat out that he would not do the surgery.
Fuck.
Do not get me wrong. I am glad he told me this as I would rather have him tell me the risk factors. The other guy was too quick to rush to surgery and really did not discuss my options. Dr. K explained them all to me. One of my biggest fears is of infection as I saw a man who had his joint temporarily removed due to one when I was working at the long-term care/sub-acute facility over the spring. He had a block of wood acting as a temporary joint and needed to wait six months to have a new joint put in. I do not want that to happen to me, especially as with the hip the consequences could be much worse.
I get this and I accept the reasons for him refusing to do it. I am glad he was honest with me. However, I am in a shit ton of pain. This is the "I cannot walk more that 50 feet" sort of pain. It is also the "I cannot sit for long periods, stand for long periods, or even lie down for long periods" type of pain. I am constantly uncomfortable.
The worst part? I cannot take anti-inflammatories due to a medication I am on. This means Tylenol, which does shit.
Dr. K suggested I lose at least 50 pounds before I have the surgery. That's a lot of weight for someone who has difficulty walking, nonetheless exercising. Yes, I can diet--as Garfield said "that's die with a T"--but I know myself. That does not really work without the exercise. Hell, one of the reasons why I gained so much weight was a combination of me developing fibromyalgia and my hip.
Per his suggestion, I am going to try the cortisone shot that goes directly into the joint. This needs to be done by a radiologist as it is a "complicated joint" and orthopedics will not do it. I am also going to try physical therapy. Maybe the therapist will find ways to help me get in some exercise in ways to avoid most of the pain. Hopefully.
And yes, I know losing the weight should help with the joint pain as well. And I know I need to lose the weight. I hate being this fat. However, I have already had weight-loss surgery--vertical sleeve gastrectomy--and I just refuse to even think of having another one. I just had too many complications from the first one and I gained all of the weight back within four years, not that I lost that much to begin with. Also, being on anti-depressants makes the weight issue worse. The only one that works for me causes weight gain so it will be even harder for me.
At best, I am now looking at six months before I can even think of having this surgery done.
The big question: can I live with the pain that long?
I'm just not sure what I am going to do right now. Well, I know what I need to do. It is just a question of implementing it. And please don't suggest Weight Watchers. They are great and all, but those meetings drive me insane (I'm not a rah-rah type person) and I hate spending the money for the online version. There is MyFitnessPal, which I will use. However, the exercise is the big issue. I'm not sure what I can do there.
Sorry for the rant and the whining. I am angry (mainly at myself and the other surgeon for not telling me more), sad, and frustrated. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself right now. I'll do the whole "suck it up" thing later. I just want to wallow in my misery right now.
I need to backtrack a bit so bear with me.
I have a bad hip. It comes from shattering my ankle over 20 years ago. The surgeon back then did a good job putting the bones back together but a shitty one with the soft tissue damage--namely he ignored it--so my leg's alignment was just a bit off. You do not realize how important this is until you develop osteoarthritis in all the joints in that leg.
In 2010, I needed a knee replacement and last month I was told I needed to have my hip replaced as well. I was not thrilled with this idea as I remember the horrors of the post-op period for my knee. I'm glad I had it done but the rehab was not fun. I even got in touch with an ortho from super-duper specialized hospital in a nearby Big City who works with patients to save their joints. Yeah, I did not qualify as my hip is too far gone. So I scheduled the surgery for this Friday.
Last week, I got a call from my surgeon's office saying that he had an emergency and needed to reschedule. Because I am teaching this summer I needed to have the surgery ASAP so I could not wait until June. I asked if I could have Dr. K do it--the guy who did my knee--and they said yes. So the surgery was still on.
Then, this morning I saw Dr. K to ask a few questions and such. Well, he did not have good news. He said that due to my weight and other medical factors, he did not "feel comfortable" doing the surgery. It seems that people with my BMI, which is apparently too fucking high, have a much greater risk of infection (5-10 times higher) and also an increased risk of complications. He said flat out that he would not do the surgery.
Do not get me wrong. I am glad he told me this as I would rather have him tell me the risk factors. The other guy was too quick to rush to surgery and really did not discuss my options. Dr. K explained them all to me. One of my biggest fears is of infection as I saw a man who had his joint temporarily removed due to one when I was working at the long-term care/sub-acute facility over the spring. He had a block of wood acting as a temporary joint and needed to wait six months to have a new joint put in. I do not want that to happen to me, especially as with the hip the consequences could be much worse.
I get this and I accept the reasons for him refusing to do it. I am glad he was honest with me. However, I am in a shit ton of pain. This is the "I cannot walk more that 50 feet" sort of pain. It is also the "I cannot sit for long periods, stand for long periods, or even lie down for long periods" type of pain. I am constantly uncomfortable.
The worst part? I cannot take anti-inflammatories due to a medication I am on. This means Tylenol, which does shit.
Dr. K suggested I lose at least 50 pounds before I have the surgery. That's a lot of weight for someone who has difficulty walking, nonetheless exercising. Yes, I can diet--as Garfield said "that's die with a T"--but I know myself. That does not really work without the exercise. Hell, one of the reasons why I gained so much weight was a combination of me developing fibromyalgia and my hip.
Per his suggestion, I am going to try the cortisone shot that goes directly into the joint. This needs to be done by a radiologist as it is a "complicated joint" and orthopedics will not do it. I am also going to try physical therapy. Maybe the therapist will find ways to help me get in some exercise in ways to avoid most of the pain. Hopefully.
And yes, I know losing the weight should help with the joint pain as well. And I know I need to lose the weight. I hate being this fat. However, I have already had weight-loss surgery--vertical sleeve gastrectomy--and I just refuse to even think of having another one. I just had too many complications from the first one and I gained all of the weight back within four years, not that I lost that much to begin with. Also, being on anti-depressants makes the weight issue worse. The only one that works for me causes weight gain so it will be even harder for me.
At best, I am now looking at six months before I can even think of having this surgery done.
The big question: can I live with the pain that long?
I'm just not sure what I am going to do right now. Well, I know what I need to do. It is just a question of implementing it. And please don't suggest Weight Watchers. They are great and all, but those meetings drive me insane (I'm not a rah-rah type person) and I hate spending the money for the online version. There is MyFitnessPal, which I will use. However, the exercise is the big issue. I'm not sure what I can do there.
Sorry for the rant and the whining. I am angry (mainly at myself and the other surgeon for not telling me more), sad, and frustrated. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself right now. I'll do the whole "suck it up" thing later. I just want to wallow in my misery right now.
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